Tonight’s experience was not a good one. It started out with the observation that campus Buffalo Sauce is great and might be great on everything. To test this, I enlisted the help of Fooducated readers with the following poll:
But 30 minutes in, Fruit, Nut, and Chicken Salad Sandwich was already a clear leader. I panicked. I secretly hoped, when I made the poll, that Pork Pot Stickers would win. I love the Pork Pot Stickers and would be happy to eat them in a boat! And I would eat them with a goat! And I will eat them in the rain. And in the dark. And on a train. I’d absolutely eat them with Buffalo Sauce. So I tried to vote (again) for the pork pot stickers.
Unfortunately, the poll was smarter than I am and wouldn’t let me vote twice. I began to pray that people would start voting for the other options. But that didn’t happen either. Out of 30 votes, 22 went to the Fruit, Nut, and Chicken Salad Sandwich. My next tactic was to pray that they’d run out of the mix before I could order. I even said quite loudly, “mmmm fruit, nut, and chicken salad sandwich.” But the girl in front of me either didn’t hear me or decided not to listen to the person talking to herself. I began to dread the apples, nuts, chicken, cumin mayo, whole wheat bread, and buffalo sauce that were about to hit my taste buds all at the same time.
Above is the sandwich with enough sauce that it wouldn’t overpower the other flavors (that seemed like the only fair way to do it).
My first bite was far from pleasant. But I went for a second bite (just to be sure) and realized that it was great! Brandon pointed out that it tasted like “chicken curry” and that was pretty spot on. It was a pleasant surprise but not exactly the result I was looking for. The mission was to find something gross.
So I decided to do what I knew I should’ve done from the beginning. I put it on frozen yogurt. Multiple people suggested it but I said I couldn’t because it’s not listed on the menu. That was a lame excuse that I only knew to use because I’m the product of a lawyer and a law profesor so I nitpick at words.
It was the worst thing that ever happened to my mouth. The combination of sweet and tangy chocolate and vanilla yogurt and the heat of the Buffalo Sauce was disgusting.
Then, JP, for some strange reason, decided he wanted to try it as well. Maybe it was the pretty facial expressions I was making.
He started with enthusiasm, even licking the spoon clean. Then hesitation (see picture number 3) and then flat out freaking out. “Oh…oh…OH IT GETS BAD AT THE END,” he screamed. “It tasted like Satan was in residence in my mouth,” he just told me.
Lesson learned: fro-yo and Buffalo Sauce should not happen. Aren’t you happy we got Fooducated?